Starlight Express
by OctoberDream
Summary: Starlight Express played by transformers
1. Chapter 1

_Warning: This chapter only contains rambling. Story starts in the next chapter._

Transformers is owned by Hasbro.

Starlight Express is composed by Andrew Lloyd Webber and written (mostly) by Richard Stilgoe.

I only own my sick and twisted imagination.

I got the idea for this little piece of horror from listening to Starlight Express on the bus going to... somewhere. I listened to 'AC/DC' and thought that it fitted Starscream nearly perfect. On my way back from... where ever, I continued listening and thought that a transformer edition of Starlight Express might actually work. I then abandoned the idea until a bit over a week ago, when I started writing.

I have no delusions about being the only one on the interwebs who might have had this idea, but I am not aware of anything actually being put online, so if anyone thinks that I have stolen their ideas or their castings, I can only say that we must have very similar minds. I have not intended to steal anything from anybody.

Therefore I would like to thank:

wiki/Starlight_Express_the_Musical_Wiki

In my attempt to make as much of a conclusive edition as I could, I used this wikia as a guide for where to put songs, that usually aren't in a production together. I also found the lyrics to some of the lesser known/deleted songs here. It also has some good character descriptions if you're interested.

SpnDean at rpgsgalore (who might never read this) for putting up the lyrics for pieces, that I haven't been able to find anywhere else.

Midnight Train Crossing for writing the most extensive synopsis I've been able to find. I've never seen Starlight Express, so this synopsis helped me a lot.

And last, but not least, to my best friend, StarscreamsKaffe, who's been overbearing with me during the writing process, who's helped me with the casting, and who introduced me to the transformer franchise. In the spirit of some fan fiction writers: I luv u, gurl!1 (j/k)

As I've written above, I've tried to include ALL of the songs written for Starlight Express. This means that there are songs, that normally wouldn't appear together and also more than one edition of one song (He Whistled at Me). I've tried to edit it, so it isn't too redundant so please bear over with me if things are said more than once. I have combined different editions of the songs several times. This will be noted. For the few lyrics I've edited, I've tried to make it sing-able. If you wish to sing along, you'll have to draw out the first syllable of some names (Starscream and Bee) or ad an extra note (Optimus). I have not been able to find the music for all the numbers, so some might be more difficult to sing. To make it fluent I've also chosen to move some songs so they appear either earlier or later than they normally would. I've also chosen to give each song a chapter, so you can find a specific song easier, if you want to.

Act 1:

Chapter 2: Overture

Chapter 3: Entry of the National Trains

Chapter 4: Rolling Stock

Chapter 5: Engine of Love

Chapter 6: Taunting Bee

Chapter 7: Call Me 'Bee'

Chapter 8: Bee, You Can't be Serious

Chapter 9: A Lotta Locomotion

Chapter 10: He'll Whistle at Me _(This has an IMO very different feel than the later version)_

Chapter 11: Freight

Chapter 12: AC/DC

Chapter 13: Pumping Iron

Chapter 14: Coda of Freight

Chapter 15: Crazy

Chapter 16: Hitching and Switching

Chapter 17: He Whistled at Me

Chapter 18: Race: Heat One

Chapter 19: That was Unfair

Chapter 20: There's Me

Chapter 21: Wasp, You've been Honored

Chapter 22: Make Up my Heart

Chapter 23: Optimus' Blues

Chapter 24: Ratchet, the Sleeping Car

Chapter 25: Starlight Express Introduction

Chapter 26: Race: Heat Two

Chapter 27: Mech, Mech, Mech

Chapter 28: Race: Heat Three

Chapter 29: Laughing Stock

Chapter 30: Starlight Express

Act 2:

Chapter 31:The Rap

Chapter 32: Wasp Gasp

Chapter 33: U.N.C.O.U.P.L.E.D.

Chapter 34: Rolling Stock (reprise)

Chapter 35: Wide Smile, High Style

Chapter 36: Hymn to Victory

Chapter 37: Race: Heat Four - The Uphill Final

Chapter 38: I Was Robbed

Chapter 39: Right Place, Right Time

Chapter 40: I Am the Starlight

Chapter 41: Bumblebee and Bulkhead

Chapter 42: They Were Out to Get You _(This was never really part of the show, but it gives a good look into Pearl's character)_

Chapter 43: He Whistled at Me (reprise)

Chapter 44: Race: Heat Five - The Downhill Final

Chapter 45: I Do _(Written by Alistair Lloyd Webber, Andrew Lloyd Webber's son )_

Chapter 46: No Comeback

Chapter 47: One Rock 'N' Roll Too Many

Chapter 48: Next Time You Fall in Love _(Written by Don Black)_

Chapter 49: Only He

Chapter 50: Only You

Chapter 51: Light at the End of the Tunnel

Chapter 52: Post script - in which the transformers' reaction to their roles and the play are written.

And without further ado, let me introduce the characters:

(A): Transformers Animated, (P): Transformers Prime

Voiceovers:

Control: Me

The Starlight Express: Primus. Will be called 'Starlight Express'

Engines:

Rusty, the steam engine: Bumblebee (A)

Poppa, an older steam engine and Rusty's mentor: Optimus Prime (P)

Greaseball, the diesel engine: Knockout (P)

Electra, the electric engine: Starscream (P)

International engines:

Bobo, the French TGV (train à grand vitesse, high speed train): Blurr (A)

Espresso, the Italian train: Cliffjumper (P)

Weltschaft/Rhurgold, the German train: Dreadwing (P)

Turnov, the Russian train: Skyquake (P)

Hashamoto/Nintendo, the Japanese train: Prowl (A)

Milton Keynes/The Prince of Wales, the British train: Ironhide (A)

Coaches:

Pearl, the observation car: Wasp (A)

Dinah, the dining car: Breakdown (P)

Buffy, the snack car: Arcee (P)

Ashley, the smoking car: Smokescreen (P)

Belle, the sleeping car: Ratchet (A)

Greaseball's gang (These appear as a group, but they're generally not named)

Freight cars:

Rocky I, II, III, the box cars: Hothead, Icy and Random (A) They are each a separate character, collectively known as 'Blitzwing'

Flattop, the brick truck: Wheeljack (P)

Dustin, The Big Hopper/coal car: Bulkhead (P)

CB, the caboose/break car: Shockwave (A) He will also be known as CB, it would be too big of a job to keep finding rhymes for 'wave' or 'w'

Electra's components:

Krupp, Electra's armaments truck: Thundercracker, Starscream's egoistic clone (A)

Wrench, Electra's repair truck: Sunstorm, Starscream's "suck-up" clone (A)

Purse, Electra's money truck: Ramjet, Starscream's lying clone (A)

Volta, Electra's freezer truck: Skywarp, Starscream's cowardly clone (A)

Joule, Electra's dynamite truck: Slipstream, Starscream's female clone (A) _[Extract from Starlight Express wikia: "__She (Joule) is the sensual of Electra's components: she was seen pole dancing at the edge of the stage and after losing Heat 2, she spanked Weltschaft off the edge of the stage." Goodness me, perfect fit!]_

I thought about giving the role as control to Sari (A), but I though that she wouldn't be deranged enough to sit and play out an entire musical with toys. I, however, would be.

I'm thinking that Primus would be so grateful to be cast as the Starlight Express, that he chose to amuse be by turning the rest of the characters into toy trains, so I could do as I wanted with them. *evil smile*

I picked Starscream from Prime since Electra is seen as futuristic, which Starscream (P) fits better, but I chose his clones from Animated, since I wanted them to have a wee bit more personality.

Breakdown is probably the most OOC of all, with Optimus Prime being a close second. I'm sure Breakdown would want to kill me for casting him as Dinah. More about this in the post-script.

I also though about giving Blitzwing a German accent, but he ended up sounding French, so I scrapped that idea.

Lastly I would like to say that English isn't my first language, and seeing that I haven't had English lessons for ages, there may be grammatical errors here and there (and probably an overuse of commas). I'd be happy if some of you would let me know about these, but if you do, then remember that some characters, especially Optimus Prime, Ratchet and Blitzwing speak with a pretty heavy dialect.

That said, please review and lets get this train-wreck rolling (no pun intended).


	2. Chapter 2

**Overture**

_Control is sitting on the floor, playing with toys.._

**Control:** This is control. This is control. Tonight is the most important night in the history of the world. Take your seats for the World Championship Railroad Race. Trains to your tracks. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Trains gone! Three trains going for one final place. Knock out is the early leader with Prowl pressing in second. This is turning into a real grudge match. And here's a surprise: look at that Bumblebee go!

**Mother:** Put those toys away.

**Control:** Oh Mom - just five more minutes?

**Mother:** Put those toys away and get into bed.

**Control:** But...

**Mother:** No buts.

**Control:**

Starlight Express, Starlight Express,

Are you real, are you near?

Starlight Express, Starlight Express...

_Control goes to bed. The rest takes place in his dreams._

_Overture plays._


	3. Chapter 3

**Entry of the National Trains**

_(The trains enter one by one, parading around)_

**Control: **This is control. This is control. Tonight is race night. Lets hear it for the champion engines of the world:

From France, the 120 mph Sudest. The power of the Sudest - BLURR.

From Italy - the Rome to Milan express - the Settebello. Powered by CLIFFJUMPER.

From Germany - right on time - the Inter-Continental Express. Powered by DREADWING.

From Russia - as fast as possible - the Trans-Siberian Express. Powered by SKYQUAKE.

From Japan - the Shinkansen bullet train - the power of the bullet - PROWL. _[This was originally 'the Shinkaussen'. Not sure if it was badly translated or a different type of train.]_

From Great Britain - battling through the wrong kind of snow - the Royal Train. Powered by IRON HIDE.

British Rails announce a delay in the arrival of the Royal Train. This is due to staffing difficulties.

And from the US of A - the reigning champion: the greatest diesel locomotive in history - the Union Pa cific. Powered by KNOCKOUT.


	4. Chapter 4

**Rolling Stock**

_(Enter Knockout)_

**Knockout:**

I'm just the fastest thing you'll ever see.

That streak of lightning you just missed was me.

Don't stop now - ya gotta keep it going all night.

Rolling Stock! Rolling Stock!

You got no lovers if you got no wheels.

Come on and heat me up the way you do,

And I can keep it going longer that you.

Don't stop now - ya gotta keep it going all night.

Don't try to show you can go faster that me.

This is my back view and it's all you'll see.

Don't stop now - ya gotta keep it going all night.

Rolling Stock! We're Rolling Stock!

Rolling Stock! We're Rolling Stock!

So get the motion in your wheels somehow -

The racing action's starting here and now.

Don't stop now - ya gotta keep it going all night.

Deep down inside you know that I am the best,

So come on, baby, put me to the test.

Don't stop now - ya gotta keep it going all night.

Rolling Stock! We're Rolling Stock!

Rolling Stock! We're Rolling Stock!

Rolling Stock! We're Rolling Stock!


	5. Chapter 5

**Engine of Love**

_(Combination)_

_(All exit. Bumblebee and the coaches enter.)_

**All:**

Woo-woo, woo-woo,

No-bot can do it like a steam train.

Woo-woo, woo-woo,

No-bot can do it like a steam train.

**Coaches:**

There ain't no power like the power of steam.

**Bumblebee:**

You wanna feel it, baby? Take a ride with me!

Working in the yard burning all of my daylight,

Working till it's time to play.

Watching the clock till the time is my own - now

Watch me, I'm a runaway!

**Coaches: **

Engine of love, take me with you, baby.

**Bumblebee:**

I'll pull you along, right along the line,

'Cause I'm your

**Coaches:**

Engine of love.

**Bumblebee:**

I'll thrill you with my motion.

If you follow me, your tracks can be mine.

Heading for the coast, hey, no-bot can catch me.

Won't stop until I reach the sea.

Nothing else will do, got to be with you now.

Come and take a ride with me!

**Coaches:**

The sight of the mighty steam engine is something terrific.

**Bumblebee:**

Just remember the Big Boy on the Union Pacific.

**Coaches:**

Firebox hotter than the desert sand.

**Bumblebee:**

So why don't you come with me, right across the land!

**All:**

Engine of love, take me with you, baby.

Just pull me along, right along the line.

**Bumblebee:**

'Cause I'm your engine of love, I'll thrill you with my motion.

**Coaches:**

Such emotion.

**Bumblebee:**

If you'll follow me, your tracks can be mine.

'Cause I'm your

**All:**

Engine of love, take me with you, baby.

Just pull me along, right along the line.

Woo-woo, woo-woo,

No-bot can do it like a steam train.

Woo-woo, woo-woo,

No-bot can do it like a steam train.


	6. Chapter 6

**Taunting Bee**

_(Combination, changed)_

_(Coaches exit. Bumblebee keeps humming. Knockout and gang enters)_

**Bumblebee:**

Woo-woo, woo-woo,

No-bot can do it like a steam train.

**Gang: **It's Bee! Split! Hide!

**Knockout:** Out of the way!

Any-bot can do to like a steam train.

**Bumblebee:**  
Woo-woo, woo-woo,

No-bot can do it like a steam train.

**Gang:** You're going in for the race, steam train?

Should do!

No-bot can do it like a stream train.

**Knockout:** Who can do it like a steam train?

**Gang:** He said no-bot,

So he's no-bot -

Hi, no-bot!

No-bot, steam train!

**Knockout:** That'll teach ya to show some respect for diesel.

**Gang:** 'Cause diesel's gonna win!

Okay, no-bot.

**Knockout:** Okay, steam train.

**Gang:** Okay, no-bot.

**Control:** Control, control. All you diesel engines to mainline duties. Bumblebee to fetch coaches from marshal ling yard. Diesel engines to schedule, Bumblebee to the yard.

_(Bumblebee goes towards the marshalling yard; comes by the international racers, later joined by Knockout and gang )_

**Prowl: **Okay, steam train, where you been? You got work to do!

**Cliffjumper:** I've got a race to win!

**Ironhide:** Fetch the coaches from the marshalling yard.

**Dreadwing:** Where's my schedule?

**Ironhide:** Where's my guard?

**All:** Listen, we're not here for fun - listen, we've got a race to run.

**Blurr:** My seating has not been shampooed.

**Skyquake:** My dining car is out of food!

**Dreadwing:** Where's the schedule?

**Cliffjumper:** Where's my oil?

**Prowl:** Come on now, Bee, get on the boil!

**All: **Listen, we're not here for fun - listen, we've got a race to run.

**Control:** Shut it guys! This is control. Engines to get fuelled up. Bumblebee to fetch the coaches. Move it - move it!

**Gang:** Hear that loser, loser bye-bye.

**Knockout:** Go fetch the coaches like the boss man said.

**Gang:** Hear that loser, loser bye-bye.

**Knockout:** Or you could enter for the race instead. _(laughter)_

**Gang:** Bye-bye loser, loser bye-bye - bye-bye loser.

**Knockout:** Loser bye-bye.


	7. Chapter 7

**Call Me 'Bee'**

_(Changed)_

_(Bumblebee continues towards the marshalling yard to get the coaches)_

**Bumblebee:**

Call me 'Bee' if you like.

Bee-like's how I look and Bee is my name.

Yellow 'n' black's decorating my frame.

Call me 'Bee' if you like.

Call me 'rusty' if you must.

It isn't nice, but I admit that it fits

For a dead-end engine falling to bits.

Call me 'rusty' if you must.

**Gang:**

Come on 'rusty', come on 'rusty', come on 'rusty'!

**Bumblebee:**

This is not the dream I dreamed

When I first on-lined.

Mainline coaches streamed behind

As the steam declined.

Switching and hitching at every-bot's call

Never occurred in my vision at all.

But when they start the racing

And you notice the steam,

You'll know it's me that's moving on

And proving you should listen to your dream.

Call me 'loser' if you dare,

'Cause when you see me on the finishing line

And when I take the place that's rightfully mine,

Call me 'loser' if you dare!

**Coaches:**

Listen to this big shot talking, he seems to imply

All the trains will just move over and let him by.

Sweetspark, you cannot believe all that stuff.

You mustn't go racing - you're not tough enough.

You'll either be a hundred miles away at the back.

Or worse, they'll find you scattered

In a million rusty pieces 'round the track!

**Bumblebee:**

Call me 'loser' if you dare,

'Cause when you see me on the finishing line -

And when I take the place that's rightfully mine,

Call me 'loser'...

**Gang: **_**(**__echo)_

Bye-bye, loser.

No-bot, loser.

Bye-bye, loser.

No-bot, loser.

**Bumblebee:**

Call me 'loser', I don't care!


	8. Chapter 8

**Bee, You Can't be Serious**

**Coaches:**

Bee, you can't be serious.

You go in for the race?!

You gotta be strong-

**Bumblebee: **I am strong!

**Coaches:**

And belong.

You gotta have speed.

**Bumblebee: **I have!

**Wasp:**

No, what you need is a mixture of strength

And power and length

If you're gonna have pull where it counts.

**Bumblebee:**

But Wasp, you said you'd go with me...

**Wasp:**

But that was ages ago.

I have to feel more.

**Coaches:**

We have to feel more.

We need to be certain, we need to be sure.

**Wasp:**

I have to feel more.

**Coaches:**

We have to feel more.

We need to be certain, we need to be sure.


	9. Chapter 9

**A Lotta Locomotion**

_(Changed)_

_(Bumblebee exits, sad about Wasp's refusal.)_

**Coaches:**

A lotta locomotion, that's what we need

From a locomotive who can take the lead.

From the Eastern ocean to the Western sea

Locomotion's gonna carry me.

A lotta locomotion, that's what we need

If we are ever gonna get up speed.

A lotta locomotion at the right approach,

For there are lots of different kinds of coach:

**Smokescreen:**

Like me, I'm Smokescreen. I'm the smoking car.

I've tried to kick the habit but my inside's used to tar.

I know if I don't give up, I might choke or have a stroke.

That scares me, and when I'm scared - damn, I need a smoke!

**Arcee:**

Arcee at your service, ever open wide.

My microwave is cooking to warm you from inside.

A lotta locomotion will do the trick.

Come and bite my burgers, they're hot and cheap and quick.

**Breakdown: **_[through gritted dental plates]_

My name is Breakdown, I'm the dining car.

I'll cook for you and listen while you lean upon my bar.

I'll serve you with your dinner while the train goes loop-de-loop.

Gee, I'm sorry, gentlemen, I hope you wanted soup.

**Coaches:**

A lotta locomotion, that's what we need

If we are ever gonna get up speed.

From the Eastern ocean to the Western sea,

Locomotion's gonna carry me.

**Wasp:**

My name's Wasp, I'm brand new here

My springs still bounce, my welds still sear.

Ain't gonna smoke, ain't gonna drink,

**Coaches:**

What ARE you gonna do?

**Wasp:**

What do you think?

**Coaches: **

A lotta locomotion underneath the sun.

Gonna try them all until he finds the one.

From the Eastern ocean to the coast out West,

**Wasp:**

Gonna test them all until I find the best.

**Coaches:**

A lotta locomotion that's what we need

From a locomotive who can take the lead.

From the Eastern ocean to the Western sea

Don't stop the piston stroking

Don't stop the fireman stoking

**Smokescreen:**

Don't make me give up smoking

**Coaches:**

Give up smoking? You gotta be joking!

Locomotion's gonna carry me!


	10. Chapter 10

**He'll Whistle at Me**

**Wasp:**

Woo-woo, woo-woo, no-bot can do it like a steam train.

Woo-woo, woo-woo, every-bot is waiting for their dream train.

I'll know him when I see him,

For long before I see him

I will hear the far-off signal -

I will hear the distant call.

And then he'll whistle at me,

He'll send a note and woo me.

He'll whistle at me.

I'm gonna hitch him to me.

Someday soon he'll whistle at me,

That's how I'll recognize him.

And maybe I will whistle at him -

That should surprise him.

Don't give me insistent humming,

Horns and bells and distant drumming,

I want steam that's under pressure

As it rises to a scream!

Some-bot please whistle at me,

I'm all anticipation!

I need some-bot to whistle at me.

I'm waiting at the station.

Come on, some-bot whistle at me,

I'm longing to be near him.

I need some-bot to whistle at me -

I'll know him when I hear him.

He'll whistle at me.


End file.
